Spring Cleaning Objectives

IN NO PARTICULAR ORDER:
-Clean room. Not just like..dust and polish. I mean I'm throwing some major shit out. Garage sale? Who wants to buy my old junk. Nobody. I've always been jealous of those people that have almost nothing personal in their homes. Sure, I also thought they seemed like they lacked a soul for not having any sort of memoribilia or trinkets from the past, but whatevs. At least they look organized. Once I've gotten rid of the crap that's suffocating me in my room, I'm going to completely rearrange it. I'm gonna need help with the heavy stuff, so I'll let you know when to come over.

-Clean closet. Similar to the last one, only this time I'm gonna toss all of the clothes that I haven't worn in the last 6 months. If I lived in a city that actually experienced seasons, then maybe I'd give the sweaters a chance and toss out everything I haven't worn in the past year, but I don't. It's always about the same here, so if I haven't worn it in the last 6 months, it's Goodwill-bound.

-Clean up my act. Been much better about exercising more regularly, but I need to step it up a notch. I've gotta start being one of those people that wakes up super early and works out BEFORE work. Yuck. I'm gonna hate it, but it has to be done. I also need to bring my lunch to work every single day, and cook my dinner every night. Weekends are negotiable. Also, I started taking classes that Richard Simmons teaches at his gym and I am 100% obsessed. I'd go every day if I could afford it. I also desperately wish I were a gay  man now so that I could date Richard. He's that awesome.

-Clean up my heart. I've been really good about keeping the men away since my last messy incident, but I let a stupid one (See: Reset) break the barrier a couple of weeks ago. I swear, just a little attention from a man and all I can think about is making out for weeks. I need to get back into focus and concentrate on everything but love and sex. Like working out with my new best friend Richard Simmons, for instance.

-Clean up my finances. I had zero debt until last year, but I got all of this dental work done and I  still owe my dentist another like...$8000. And then my adorable accountant somehow fucked me over with the IRS to the point where the only thing I can do is just pay them, and that's another $6500. So instead of buying that sparkly blush from Sephora that I've been coveting since the 90s -- the one that I always forget to buy it until I have no money -- I have to save my stupid money so I can pay off "the man." The "men," actually.

I think that's good enough for now. If you can think of anything else, let me know.