This is just the opinion of one man, but man-oh-man!:
Click me!
Oh, to have a man describe my kisses as cupcake-shaped grenades! Le sigh.
Wednesday, April 14, 2010
Wednesday, April 7, 2010
Cute Boys Doing Cuter Things :: Vol. 1
However, they lose cute points for making embedding impossible. Let's just assume it wasn't their decision. CLICK HERE (!!!)
It gets especially precious at 2:28.
It gets especially precious at 2:28.
Cross My Heart
All I've ever wanted from a boy was a necklace. I want a boy to pick out a necklace on his own and then give it to me. Then I will wear it around my neck and tell him that he's always close to my heart. Give me a break, dude. I'm super cheesy.
So I've told every boyfriend that I've had that I want a necklace, and never once have I received one. It's not like I'm asking for a fucking ring, man! I just want a silly little necklace. I don't need diamonds or pearls, either! Just. A necklace.
I've received all sorts of strange little gifts instead, though --- 2 watches from the same guy on the same day (the opposite of a necklace?), a jar of pocket change (long story, I guess), a "Vote For Pedro" t-shirt (jesus, dude), a Tamagotchi (this one I received less than two years ago, btw) --- you get the gist.
Nary a necklace. Is it because it's jewelry and that seems super serious? Or because I'm just dating dudes that don't care about what I actually want? What does a girl have to do to get a fucking necklace around here?
So I've told every boyfriend that I've had that I want a necklace, and never once have I received one. It's not like I'm asking for a fucking ring, man! I just want a silly little necklace. I don't need diamonds or pearls, either! Just. A necklace.
I've received all sorts of strange little gifts instead, though --- 2 watches from the same guy on the same day (the opposite of a necklace?), a jar of pocket change (long story, I guess), a "Vote For Pedro" t-shirt (jesus, dude), a Tamagotchi (this one I received less than two years ago, btw) --- you get the gist.
Nary a necklace. Is it because it's jewelry and that seems super serious? Or because I'm just dating dudes that don't care about what I actually want? What does a girl have to do to get a fucking necklace around here?
Thursday, March 25, 2010
Annnnnd Action!
I wanna see a movie with a cute boy. In the theatres. I wanna see something scary or something funny. I want to sit in the very back row and lock arms, with my head on his shoulder and my hands in his lap. We'll steal a glance (or maybe a kiss!) when we laugh at the same thing, or I'll have to bury my face in his chest if it gets too scary.
I'll make the dumb joke that my dad used to always make when we saw movies together: "Did you hear the weather forecast? They said it was going to rain!" Then I throw popcorn up in the air and laugh as it falls down like "rain" while my date looks at me like he can't decide if I'm mildly disabled, or if I'm the cutest thing he's ever seen.
The last time I saw a scary movie with a boyfriend was when we went to go see Michael Clayton. We made it through like 15 minutes of the movie before the heavy petting started bordering on obscene, so we took off. Michael Clayton is a horror film, right? Or is it a comedy? I wouldn't even know! And every time I've tried to watch it since, I can only think about the things we did in the theatre rather than watching the film and my focus is instantly shifted to something much more naughty than the film itself.
Yes, I want to do something like that again.
I'll make the dumb joke that my dad used to always make when we saw movies together: "Did you hear the weather forecast? They said it was going to rain!" Then I throw popcorn up in the air and laugh as it falls down like "rain" while my date looks at me like he can't decide if I'm mildly disabled, or if I'm the cutest thing he's ever seen.
The last time I saw a scary movie with a boyfriend was when we went to go see Michael Clayton. We made it through like 15 minutes of the movie before the heavy petting started bordering on obscene, so we took off. Michael Clayton is a horror film, right? Or is it a comedy? I wouldn't even know! And every time I've tried to watch it since, I can only think about the things we did in the theatre rather than watching the film and my focus is instantly shifted to something much more naughty than the film itself.
Yes, I want to do something like that again.
Tuesday, March 16, 2010
Spring Cleaning Objectives
IN NO PARTICULAR ORDER:
-Clean room. Not just like..dust and polish. I mean I'm throwing some major shit out. Garage sale? Who wants to buy my old junk. Nobody. I've always been jealous of those people that have almost nothing personal in their homes. Sure, I also thought they seemed like they lacked a soul for not having any sort of memoribilia or trinkets from the past, but whatevs. At least they look organized. Once I've gotten rid of the crap that's suffocating me in my room, I'm going to completely rearrange it. I'm gonna need help with the heavy stuff, so I'll let you know when to come over.
-Clean closet. Similar to the last one, only this time I'm gonna toss all of the clothes that I haven't worn in the last 6 months. If I lived in a city that actually experienced seasons, then maybe I'd give the sweaters a chance and toss out everything I haven't worn in the past year, but I don't. It's always about the same here, so if I haven't worn it in the last 6 months, it's Goodwill-bound.
-Clean up my act. Been much better about exercising more regularly, but I need to step it up a notch. I've gotta start being one of those people that wakes up super early and works out BEFORE work. Yuck. I'm gonna hate it, but it has to be done. I also need to bring my lunch to work every single day, and cook my dinner every night. Weekends are negotiable. Also, I started taking classes that Richard Simmons teaches at his gym and I am 100% obsessed. I'd go every day if I could afford it. I also desperately wish I were a gay man now so that I could date Richard. He's that awesome.
-Clean up my heart. I've been really good about keeping the men away since my last messy incident, but I let a stupid one (See: Reset) break the barrier a couple of weeks ago. I swear, just a little attention from a man and all I can think about is making out for weeks. I need to get back into focus and concentrate on everything but love and sex. Like working out with my new best friend Richard Simmons, for instance.
-Clean up my finances. I had zero debt until last year, but I got all of this dental work done and I still owe my dentist another like...$8000. And then my adorable accountant somehow fucked me over with the IRS to the point where the only thing I can do is just pay them, and that's another $6500. So instead of buying that sparkly blush from Sephora that I've been coveting since the 90s -- the one that I always forget to buy it until I have no money -- I have to save my stupid money so I can pay off "the man." The "men," actually.
I think that's good enough for now. If you can think of anything else, let me know.
-Clean room. Not just like..dust and polish. I mean I'm throwing some major shit out. Garage sale? Who wants to buy my old junk. Nobody. I've always been jealous of those people that have almost nothing personal in their homes. Sure, I also thought they seemed like they lacked a soul for not having any sort of memoribilia or trinkets from the past, but whatevs. At least they look organized. Once I've gotten rid of the crap that's suffocating me in my room, I'm going to completely rearrange it. I'm gonna need help with the heavy stuff, so I'll let you know when to come over.
-Clean closet. Similar to the last one, only this time I'm gonna toss all of the clothes that I haven't worn in the last 6 months. If I lived in a city that actually experienced seasons, then maybe I'd give the sweaters a chance and toss out everything I haven't worn in the past year, but I don't. It's always about the same here, so if I haven't worn it in the last 6 months, it's Goodwill-bound.
-Clean up my act. Been much better about exercising more regularly, but I need to step it up a notch. I've gotta start being one of those people that wakes up super early and works out BEFORE work. Yuck. I'm gonna hate it, but it has to be done. I also need to bring my lunch to work every single day, and cook my dinner every night. Weekends are negotiable. Also, I started taking classes that Richard Simmons teaches at his gym and I am 100% obsessed. I'd go every day if I could afford it. I also desperately wish I were a gay man now so that I could date Richard. He's that awesome.
-Clean up my heart. I've been really good about keeping the men away since my last messy incident, but I let a stupid one (See: Reset) break the barrier a couple of weeks ago. I swear, just a little attention from a man and all I can think about is making out for weeks. I need to get back into focus and concentrate on everything but love and sex. Like working out with my new best friend Richard Simmons, for instance.
-Clean up my finances. I had zero debt until last year, but I got all of this dental work done and I still owe my dentist another like...$8000. And then my adorable accountant somehow fucked me over with the IRS to the point where the only thing I can do is just pay them, and that's another $6500. So instead of buying that sparkly blush from Sephora that I've been coveting since the 90s -- the one that I always forget to buy it until I have no money -- I have to save my stupid money so I can pay off "the man." The "men," actually.
I think that's good enough for now. If you can think of anything else, let me know.
Friday, March 12, 2010
Coors Light Wishes & Karaoke Dreams
If I had a decent voice, or if I didn't have a performance-crippling fear of singing to a bunch of faces that are staring at me blankly, and if I had at least 4 beers in my system...I would totally sing the song "Hot Child In The City" by Nick Gilder. If they didn't have that song available, I'd sing "The Warrior" by Scandal, and I would hope that my current love interest was in the audience so I could do the little "Bang! Bang!" signal directly to him, followed by a wink.
But I don't have a decent voice, and I'm too terrified to relax on stage and instead of singing anything awesome, I always end up crackling out a shitty, forgettable rendition of something safe like "Daydream Believer."
One of these days I'll grow a pair and actually attempt to nail one of my karaoke fantasies. Until then, I am sticking to the AM Gold classics.
But I don't have a decent voice, and I'm too terrified to relax on stage and instead of singing anything awesome, I always end up crackling out a shitty, forgettable rendition of something safe like "Daydream Believer."
One of these days I'll grow a pair and actually attempt to nail one of my karaoke fantasies. Until then, I am sticking to the AM Gold classics.
Thursday, March 11, 2010
Bus boy.
Phew, thank god. There's a new hot guy on my bus. I can't tell if he's really hot, or if he's just the most suitable candidate on the bus, though. He's like a super tall Mexican Fonzie, complete with pompadour and leather jacket. Also, I'm pretty sure he's like 19 years old. I know, sounds sorta disasterous --- but there's something to be said for a man (boy) that wakes up early in the morning to comb his hair into an old timey coif.
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