Friday, March 5, 2010

Faux Bus Love

The bus ride to work is long and boring, so I decided to have a crush on a few of the regular commuters that share the same route as me. They aren't real crushes, I've just picked out the most acceptable dudes on the bus and put them in order of my liking for time-killing purposes.

In first place there's the smoking hot spanish dude that wears shiny shoes and is studying to be an actor (yuck!) at the film school on the 5th floor of my building. He's a super hunk and is always reading spanish newspapers, but I'm willing to bet he's already got a pretty foxy girlfriend. No way is this guy single.

Then there's the dude that looks 100% european as well, and I always assumed that he was part of the same international film school as the smoking spanish dude. He looks more on the Scandinavian side. And, while I DO happen to collect Scandinavians, lighter-skinned dudes aren't really my first choice - - - but if you saw what I had to choose from on the bus, you'd put him in second place, too. Thing about this guy is that I would only have a chance with him if he actually were, in fact, european. If he's american, he's juuust rock and roll enough that some Silverlake hipster chick would be all over him in a heartbeat - - I lack the whole "hip" factor, so that puts me out of the game.

And the third guy is really just an alternate, but I threw him in because I always like to lump things into groups of threes. He's no feast for the eyes, that's for sure, but there's a nerdy quality about him that makes me think that he could possibly have potential in the personality department. Eh, but he seriously needs to shave the inch-long spotty red patches of hair from his face and change out of the non-ironic Member's Only jacket before I give it any more consideration.

Ok, so those are the key players. They are never all on the bus at the same time, and NEVER have any of them sat next to me. I always leave the space next to me open on the bus that we share in hopes that one of them will plop themselves down, and still. Nothing.

So last night I get on the bus and it's like a fucking party exploded in there. ALL THREE DUDES were on the bus, and TWO of them were talking to each other. The spanish dude had his nose shoved into one of his sexy periodicals, naturally. The two that were chatting were Second Place and Third Place, as I call them.

After hearing the two of them speak for 30 seconds, my Final 3 was instantly whittled down to just one: The hot spanish dude.

Dude. Second Place not only isn't european as I had originally fantasized, but he also has a maaaaaajor speech impediment - - - which I normally wouldn't be so cruel about in the real world, but this dude is just a bus fantasy, so I'm pulling the plug. Third Place, the ugly one, has the most obnoxious stoner laugh I've ever heard, and the very thought of his next bout of laughter made me move to the back of the bus, so...I nexted his ass, too.

And there you have it! The only guy I have left on my list of dudes to fake-fall-in-love-with on the bus is the hot spanish dude with his shiny, shiny shoes. Olé! Yep. I said it. How productive was that bus ride?!?


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