Sunday, December 20, 2009

Online dating = Offline waste of time (usually)

Every few months or so, when I'm extra lonely, I reactivate my online dating profile. I mainly just like to get free compliments from strangers. And it works, too. Every few months there is an onslaught of positive feedback from complete weirdos, and I hang in there until I realize I'd rather just receive the (very rare) compliment from someone in real life and I deactivate my account again. I can only handle so many winks and boring emails declaring that my profile looks interesting, or that they, too, have a thing for Old Spice Pure Sport. Honestly, out of everything I have posted on my profile, that one tidbit gets the most attention. Rarely does a man contact me that I consider contacting back, but every once in a while someone will catch my eye. It never ends up going anywhere. This past year alone I've been on 6 or 7 useless dates with guys that were completely wrong for me. One of them even got a second date, but I was so bored (and turned off by his premature admission that he was obsessed with Disney films) that I practically opened the car door while he was driving me back to my house and did a drop-roll on my lawn.

Being the holidays and all, I felt an extra pang of loneliness and reactivated my account the other day. As usual, I received about 10 winks and 5 emails within the first 3 hours of my reactivation from gentlemen of all walks of life. One from a comedian (eep!) with a weird hangup about how many ice cubes he has in his drinks, another from a grizzly bear of a man that only said "you seem nice." Let me tell you, by the way, my profile does NOT make me seem nice. He was instantly disregarded due to lack of creativity. One dude told me that I was beautiful, but that he was not fooled by beauty in Los Angeles, and that I was probably just like the rest of them. Thanks? But one guy seemed decent. He's from Kentucky, so I'll call him The Colonel. A little on the short side, but he looks really cute in glasses and I liked that his profile said his favorite thing to do is nap. I, too, love a good nap. He winked at me, which I generally hate because it forces me to write the first email, but I gave him a free pass and made the move. So we've been exchanging the usual "get to know you" emails and we'll see where it goes. He says he doesn't have a Kentucky accent, but wouldn't it be sorta darling if he did? If anything, hopefully it will serve as a nice distraction from my current situation with The Comedian. That'll be enough for me.


Tyler said...

i love you and miss you dearly.

Tyler said...

oh ya, when I move back from Hawaii, this so called "comedian" is a dead man.

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